Stupid is as Stupid Does

So today I ran up to HEB because I was making chicken n' dumplins...yummy...and I needed a bigger pot. So I get my pot and a couple of other things, since I'm making a poppyseed cake, too...you know I can't just make one thing...if I do something, I have to go completely overboard. Anyway, I'm coming out of HEB with my little mini-cart (it's so cool using one of those...I didn't have any kids with me!) and I am in a big hurry 'cause I need to get home and get that chicken cooking. I notice a gathering of bright orange vests around a very fancy, very shiny, very new Toyota something-or-other SUV and a very fancy, very shiny lady with red lipstick and lots of hairspray gesturing wildly at them and shouting something about how it's not her fault. She had them all looking very afraid that she might burst into a ball of fire if her temperature got high enough to ignite all that hairspray. "Interesting," I think to myself. I'm a little too nosy for my own good.

As I'm walking by, I slow down a bit and glance at her pristine truck and realize that it has a massive, ugly scar streaking from ass-end to the front on the drivers side. So that's why she's upset...and then I can see why that nasty scrape is up the whole side of her car. It seems a big, pimped-out cherry red 1970-something Caddy has pulled in all wonky and it's rear view mirror is still gouged into the side at the front bumper.

Now I'm thinking, "no wonder this lady is upset!" I'd be pissed, too. And THEN, upon further inspection, it is clear as day why the Caddy scraped up the side of the SUV...this lady, in all her shiny and fancy glory, has parked RIGHT on the line. In fact, I think her front tires had actually crossed into the Caddy's parking space a little. Okay, I can imagine the scenario...she's in such a hurry, no time to worry if she's parked considerately so that someone else can park next to her. Probably has to get to her mani/pedi appointment or something. Seems Miss Shiny helmet-hair herself had it comin', and some dude in a tricked-out, rims shinin', wide-ass Caddy decided to show her that she ain't the only driver on the road, big brand-new silver SUV or not.

I was half-tempted to wait around and see the throw-down when the owner of the Caddy came out. But, no, I had a chicken to cook, by god. I can only imagine and laugh hysterically when I think about some big dude with gold teeth tellin' that lady right where she could put her car, probably not in terms nearly that polite. You know it was either gonna be big gold teeth or a buxom black lady with head a-bobbin, long nails a-clickin' just giving her the what-for. Oh yeah. I can see it now. Hairspray didn't stand a chance...