Thursday, November 20, 2008


How many things can I lose in two weeks? Seriously. It's getting beyond ridiculous. First, I lost my glasses. I laid down on the couch for a rest, fell asleep, and the glasses-gnomes carried them off to spectacle land. Now I've been nearly blind for two weeks, just barely managing to navigate the roadways using my prescription sunglasses. This was interesting a few days ago when it was overcast, cloudy and quite gloomy. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic driving around in my very dark glasses. That was all fine and good--I'm used to looking like a nut--until, like my glasses before them, my sunglasses disappeared into the great unknown. So now I am even endangering my children's very lives every time I get behind the wheel. I figure since I drive a veritable tank, if we do wreck, it probably won't be fatal. Oy.

A few days after my glasses turned up missing, I managed to lose the keys to said tank. I was scrambling around frantically trying to find them so that I could pick Kalena up from school, until I remembered the spare that is hanging from a very rusty wire under the chassis of the Suburban. So I made it in the nick of time...but still didn't have keys. Until Isaac comes prancing into the kitchen last night, jingling my keys in his hand. Where were they, you ask? He took it upon himself to go and bury them in the cushions of the recliner in the play room. Great. Are my glasses there, too? No dice.

So then, this morning, while I'm desperately trying to complete our morning routine twenty minutes earlier than usual so I can take Wolfie to the clinic to get the 'ol sniparoo, I realize that my credit card is missing. Oh, holy crap. I give up. Really. I'm just going to sit on the floor and bang my head against the wall until they come to pick me up and take me away to the looney bin. But one more search of my wallet, and there's my credit card..not lost at all, just shoved into a weird place where I couldn't see it. So now my blind eyes are playing tricks on me. Great. Just what I need.

What can I loose next? My sanity is long gone, so I'm not counting on keeping that... So far, I haven't managed to lose any of my children, which is probably the best news of the week, although Rowan is sick and sounds like a sad, pitiful little mouse when she tries to cry. Poor baby. I hate cold always brings the sniffles, coughs and runny noses that are really bad when you have a kid and almost unbearably overwhelming when you have four.

But, ever the optimist, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, if for no other reason than the fact that I am madly in love with turkey and dressing. I imagine myself walking barefoot on a beach, cradling a heaping, steaming plate of thanksgiving bounty and a smile creeps across my haggard face. Aaahh, 'tis the season!


mp said...

sorry you keep losing things!! you need a designated high up shelf for your valuables that little hands can't reach.

mmmmm....turkey and sand.

Ashley said...

You crack me up....I can't believe you still ahven't found your glasses! It's crazy!

I hope it all chills out soon enough! You need a break!

Angie said...

lol, I love the way you write -- you always make me laugh!

I hope you find your glasses and sunglasses soon!

And I have the same sentiment about Thanksgiving -- yummmmmmm!

Jackie said...

Ahhh, where do I begin? Beaches and turkey or missing glasses that I'm now thinking the troll or orunm (whatever your word was) took so he could see how to unfold the tinfoil a little bit better. He must have used that secret troll tunnel from my house to yours. I thought you said you were going to close that??!

You know I thought about somehow using my video camera and setting up another cake but it only records for so long and frankly I'm a little scares at what I might find. When I went and picked up the cake plate I noticed the tongue licks were small, like a cat sized tongue and there were some really short black hairs and some longer wavy, kinky black hairs.. so weird! I've never seen a cat with wavy, kinky hair.

ustatchi: "ustatchi (u stashy) my glasses where?" asked Rachel (to the troll.)

Katy said...

Ohhhh I know how frustrating it is to lose glasses just for a few minutes, I can't IMAGINE what you are going through. Get some new ones - fast!

I do NOT like turkey. I mean, it's okay once - but I am NOT a left over fan. I'm glad you are looking forward to it though :)

Sandra said...

Poor Rachel. I love how you stay optimistic no matter what it is. You should go around giving inspirational speeches to moms everywhere. Then maybe we could all be as cool and calm as you.

Anonymous said...

LMAO I can see you driving down the road, gloomy and in your shades. PLaying it cool as hell! YOU ROCK. You need to teach me the ways of Caml, and Cool. I lose my mind if I can find my brush! Sweet Jesuse please grant me the somethig, I cant not change something mummble mummble. Oh lord kumbuyah