The problem with boogers

I was thinking the other night--well, actually having a bizarre dream about being chased by a strange, unkown little boy trying to wipe a booger on me--but when I awoke, I realized that time keeps going by really, really fast.  Like, I am thinking right now about how this second is now gone.  And poof, it's gone. Now another one is gone.  And another one...and, well, you get the point.  Before I realize it, I'll be back in my bed, ready to dodge dream boogers all over again.  I'll tell ya, that's the problem with boogers.  They get you thinking every time.

You may be wondering what the hell I'm talking about.  Well, I guess I'm having a mid-life crisis of sorts.  Aren't I too young for that?  I'm only going to be 30 in a couple of weeks.  That still seems pretty young.  Mature, yes, but definitely NOT old.  Old enough, though, that I need to get my butt in gear and accomplish my goals.  Ever since we opened the store, I realized that it IS actually possible to accomplish something.  So I made some more. Goals. As if I don't have enough to do.

#1.  You might've seen this one coming, but I am making it a goal to lose some weight.  That's all I'm going to say about it.  I might have to ponder over a few more handfulls of Oreos.  I'll probably have to deliberate over some chocolate cake.  But I am convinced that somehow, I, too, will be able to have ripped abs and a tight butt.  Thank you, P90X infomercial, for convincing me that in this lifetime I might be able to do a pullup on that wobbly bar hanging from a doorframe.  (Where do you GET one of those things, anyway?)

#2.  I am writing a book.  A novel.  I think it's high time.  It will be moving.  It will be touching.  It will be a modern-day Odyssey, resplendent with the epic-ness of a soul searching journey of....crap, I don't know yet.  It'll probably have to involve some type of natural disaster.  I'm sure somebody will have to die in it.  I don't know if there will be romance.  I kind of doubt it.  That's not really my style.  I'm sure there will be a quick-witted heroine.  A moral dilemma.  An impossible choice. Isn't that what good literature is all about? I'm hoping to win a major literary prize.  If I do, I better have finished with that whole P90X thing, because I'm sure I'd have to go to a banquet or something, and I'd have to actually wear real clothes instead of my jeans and a ratty T-shirt.  Although I did get a new bra, so that's good.

#3.  I have decided I will, at some point, go back to college and gain at least a master's, but more likely a PhD in something.  I don't know what yet.  It doesn't even really matter, I suppose.  I just know that I will re-enter the world of academia and claim my place as a titan of deliberate and thorough ponderance. What does that mean, you ask?  I wouldn't expect you to understand.  It's a...um...well...let's just say I'll be able to explain it better when I'm defending my dissertation and leave it at that.

#4.  I'm too tired to type any more.  So I guess this one has to be my vow to sleep more.  The end.

So there you have it.  My "resolutions" as it were.  If you want to call them that.  I don't have any idea when they'll be accomplished.  Just that they will be.  And if you don't believe me, I'll kick you in the head.  Ok?