Stranded at the Redbox

Redbox: yesterday I finally decided to see what the hype was all about, and rented my first movie. As a Redbox virgin, I was actually quite overwhelmed. It was way too much pressure for me..people standing there, tapping their toes, waiting impatiently for me to make my selection and leave. So my first rental was a dud...some weird movie called "August" with Josh Hartnett. He is a hottie, but even his good looks couldn't save this stupid movie. I couldn't even tell ya what the plot was...it was so convoluded. So last night, I took back the dumb movie and decided to try again.

My second attempt was fraught with just as much stress, a veritable line this time waiting on me, so I was relieved to get back to the Suburban out of the frigid wind to head home. Except my beast of a vehicle wouldn't start. The ignition wouldn't even try to turn over, just a clickity-click sound and some flickering lights. Okay, this must be the battery, I think. Too bad I don't have jumper cables. Surely in this bumpin' Redbox parking lot, there is one among them with some juice. After wandering around like a sad, abandoned puppy, I realized that I am in this alone. Nobody wants to help me, I left my cell at home since I was just "running up real quick" to get a movie, and I am freezing my butt off. It really is sobering to feel totally stranded. Luckily, the manager at McDonald's was really nice (although I think she wanted to come outside just for a smoke). First she let me use the phone, then she came out to see if she could help me out. No luck. No matter how much we wiggled the battery terminals, we just couldn't get it started. Next, I resorted to begging folks in the neighboring Chipotle parking lot for a jump. Most people jumped in their cars with a "nope, sorry" and sped away so they didn't have to look at the poor, pitiful lady.

Finally, a couple of college girls with a beat-up Volvo offer their help. That was interesting...the blind leading the blind if ever a cliche were appropriate. Neither of us knew what the heck we were doing, and even after hooking up the cables, we still couldn't get the 'burban up and running. 20 minutes later, a chivalrous cowboy in a rumbling diesel asks me in his politest southern drawl, "ma'am, do you need some help?" Oh, thank you cowboy Gods. Somebody who's probably actually seen an engine battery before. But his attempt, with jumper cables on loan from a couple of goth, lip-pierced teenagers in a minivan, was also a grand failure. He's puzzled why he can't, in all his cowboy glory, save the day. "Must be the starter" he proclaims, then leaves me to wait on my husband, who by this time is on his way thanks to Courtney's aid with the kids. Did I mention that since I'm in the Suburban, I have all 4 carseats, and David is stuck at home with kids and no way to get to me? Since Courtney was kind enough to come and sit with the little heathens, David rushed to my aid in his great, glowing, yellow Mr. Electric van.

I am ready to face the news that I'm going to be without a vehicle for a few days, and good grief, how much is it going to cost to have that dead monster towed? But David steps up, gives the key a little wiggle in the ignition, and lo and behold, the FRIGGIN' THING STARTS RIGHT UP. I kid you not. An hour in the cold, begging like a hobo, and my husband just walks up and turns the key. I can't begin to describe how obnoxious this is. Some damsel in distress. It seems more like I'm a simpleton in distress.

But, I make it home, our second movie is much more watchable (it was The Bucket List in case you care), and off I went to bed, my shenanigans behind me. How is it that I always have a black cloud following me around? If something bizarre is going to happen to someone, I guarantee it will be me. I could list at least a dozen situations where I've had random and generally annoying things happen. But, we must go on. Onward to a brighter day.

As a completely unrelated postscript, the weirdest thing happened last night. At around 3 am, I woke up because I thought I heard one of the kids. I listened for a minute, and didn't hear Rowan or Adam crying, so I closed my eyes. Then I hear what sounded like the shuffle of little feet in my bedroom, so I open them again, and sit up to see who it is. I assume it's Isaac needing to use the potty, and he always walks all the way from the door through the room to get around to David's side of the bed. (David is much more coherent in the middle of the night. The kids have learned this). So I look around, but don't see anything, so I lay back down, assuming it was Cooper moving around in his dog bed. Then I hear the unmistakable whisper, "Daddy?" Two seconds later, "Momma?" Okay, so it is Isaac. I sit up again, "What is it Isaac?" Silence. "Isaac, what do you need, baby?" Silence. "Isaac, are you there? David, wake up, is Isaac over there?" We both sit up, but don't see anything. So we both get out of bed to check on the kids, and all four are SOUND ASLEEP! It was the most bizarre experience. I was wide awake when I heard that little voice. It freaked me out so bad, I could hardly go back to sleep. Weird, huh?