Treading Water

There are days I wonder if all of my motherly efforts are totally in vain. I put a ridiculous amount of effort into making sure my kids have what they need on any given day. The list is endless: sippy cups, snack cups, sunscreen, extra clothes, don't forget the wipes. We're all packed up and ready to go, but have I forgotten to do something? Oh yeah, Kalena needs to finish her antibiotic...and let's dose up Isaac for that runny nose. Okay, now we're good.

And now it's 8 o'clock, approaching bedtime, that golden hour of evening when the house settles down and you can hear yourself think. I sigh in relief. But Kalena's crying...her ear hurts. And I can suddenly hear the voice of my mother-in-law echoing in my head: "You really should make sure to put swimmer's ear drops in her ears considering how often she's in the pool..." Oh, yeah. Meant to do that...and now my forgetfulness has resulted in excruciating pain for my sweet girl. So I rustle out the giant medicine basket, rifle through a bag of assorted smallish bottles and find the eardrops for pain...or are these the antibiotic drops? Crap, I can't remember. Well, let's just give her both and hope her ear doesn't fall off....

Rewind to Saturday afternoon....we're packing up from a quick trip to the mall, unloading kids and stroller and bags and a big paper cup of Sprite. Isaac has fallen asleep (always at the most inopportune times), and I've oh-so-carefully strapped him in and given him a gentle kiss as I close the door. By the time I make it around the Suburban behemoth with Adam, I open the door to a wail and a face that reads betrayal. "What's wrong?" I ask Kalena accusingly, suspecting she's done something to make him scream. She looks at me evenly and drops the bomb, "you shut his foot in the door, mom." I teleport back to Isaac's side, fling the door open and manage to unstrap him in milliseconds. Poor thing, he looked kind of like an injured puppy, his lip quivering and his blue eyes full of tears. Luckily, it wasn't serious, and he quickly calmed down with the aforementioned Sprite, but I felt like a monster. Always in a hurry, not taking time to check. Another check in the mommy screw-up column.

Some days it feels like I'm just barely keeping my head above water around here...endlessly treading water trying to stay on top of my children's needs. I just hope to God one day I don't actually drown....

But then I remember what makes it, as cliche as it sounds, all worth while....Isaac jumped off the side of the pool yesterday, all by himself...and his proud little beaming grin made my heart jump.....then I asked the kids to help me pick up around the house, and ten minutes later I walk into the playroom to see Kalena busy at work. She looks up and smiles at me and says, "brother wouldn't help, but that's okay...I'll help you, mom." That heart of mine just jumped a little higher. And of course when I ask the kids who's ready to have a snack, and I hear a chorus of "me", and look over to see Adam with that snaggly-tooth smile, his chubby little hand stuck up int he air saying "me" with everyone else. Now my heart has practically jumped out of my chest, and I don't feel like such a failure. In fact, I feel like I have it pretty good around here...even amidst the chaos.

Now if only I can make it through the day without any more mom-inflicted tears....